What you don't know.

You don't know what I'm going through.

You don't know what it's like to climb into bed alone every night, after sharing a bed for years.

You don't know what it's like to keep your phone on top volume every second of every day so that you don't miss a call that only MIGHT come.

You don't know what it's like to count down the days.

You don't know what it's like to want someone to talk to, but no one knows what you're talking about.

You don't know what it's like to wait by the window for the mail to come, just in case you got a letter.

You don't know what it's like to have no motivation to do anything, because your entire world seems just a little bit off.

You don't know what it's like to hate going to work or school, because then you have to act like nothing is wrong.

You don't know what it's like.

You don't know what it's like to listen to other girls complain about not seeing their boyfriend all day because he's at work or school.

Try not seeing him for 3 months and then we'll talk.

One week down, a billion to go.

Ugh.

It's only been a week since Addam left. I have been a mess, it's pathetic.

Plus, I'm an emotional eater apparently, and I've gained like 20 pounds since last

Tuesday. I need to stop buying poptarts, and start running.

Seriously.

Sooooo, I'm going to run now. If you notice me getting fatter, don't be afraid to

say "ummmm, quit eating cunt."

<3

Summer.

As I think only one of you knows, Addam just signed up with the National Guard.

While I think it's great that he is doing what he wants to do, I can't help but feel disappointed.

Yes, that is selfish of me, I know.  But what it means is that for 3 months this summer, he'll be gone.

I spent forrrreeeever talking him into living in Muncie with me, and he finally said yes! And now he will not be there.  I am not looking forward to this at all, I haven't stayed by myself all night more than 2 or 3 times all year and now I will all alone up in my loft for threeeeeeewholeeeeeeemonthssssssssss. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Yes, I am a giant, needy baby, and I don't care.

On the bright side, at least I will be living in Muncie House where I will have people to interact with on a daily basis and keep me occupied.  Otherwise, I would probably dieeeee of boredom.....

I am so pathetic :o

Just workin' on my fitness.

I am going to Hawaii in October!!!!!

I'm going with Addam and his family, and they are paying for the whole thing!

In preperation, Addam and I have upped our game, and are trying to run and lift everyday.

I only have 6 months to get ready, which seems like a lot, but it is not.

No matter how much I seem to work out nothing seems to make a difference and I stay the same.

It pisses me off, but I know it's because I haven't changed my eating habits enough.  It's a work in progress...

In other trip news, Addam and I are planning a trip to Cancun :)

We're starting to plan and save now, although we won't be taking it until next summer, or the following spring break.  I am excited for this!  I love planning trips, it gives me something to look forward to, and it will be our first really big trip with just the two of us!!

Fun fun.

Counting down the days....

As the end of the semester comes to a close, I have been spending more and more time with my friends and we could not be having a better time.

As the ultimate LoungeNight commenced on Friday night, I woke up Saturday morning to a camera full of pictures and an empty memory.  I kept remembering random events throughout the day and after having converstions with Leandra and Shaya, I think I've put my night together, haha :)

(BTW- at one point were Addam and Jason handcuffed together?)

As fun as these times have been, two more big events are closely coming up.

1) Britney Spears concert:)

What better way to spend two days than road tripping to Chicago with my best friends to see my idol in concert and then spending the night in a hotel?  If there is something better, I sure can't think of it. Only 21 more days!

2) Moving into the Muncie house!  I can not wait for this!  Not only will we have the ultimate LoungeNight location and hangout spot, but we will have a sense of freedom that we don't have while living at home.  And with all of the drama surrounding this move, I can't wait to just move in and put it all behind me. 33 more days!

:)

On track

Off track

On track

Off track.

Story of my life. 

I have no home.

Yesterday I moved my treadmill from my room to Addam's.  

Even though I was only moving one thing, it felt weird.

My house (my dad's) doesn't feel like home anymore.

I haven't slept there in over two weeks, I come home every few days to get new clothes and take care of my cats, but that's been it.

For the past two weeks I have effectively been living out of a bag.

Before two weeks ago I had only been staying at Addam's three or four times a week, but then a couple things happened.

For one, my dad has had a girlfriend for about six months I would say and recently he's been spending much more time with her in Anderson after work, leaving our house empty at night.  Now, I'm not complaining about this, I think it's great.  He's happy and as selfish as it may be, it takes some guilt off of my chest knowing that when I move out he won't be sitting at home by himself.

Secondly, I got my puppy, which Addam has graciously offered to house until I move in May.  The puppy being at his house requires me to be there more often to take care of him so Addam doesn't have to do it for me.

All in all, these events have led me to feel like I have no real home.  All I have right now are two houses that aren't mine that I stay at sometimes.

I can't wait for May.